The alchemy of compassion. When we apply mindful presence and empathy to times in which we are experiencing challenging emotions, what changes?
The parable of the second arrow.
A vicious sequence, known in the Buddhist tradition as “the parable of the second arrow,” starts with us confronting difficult experiences (the first arrow). Then, there is the tendency to accompany these experiences with guilt, anger, shame, or a sense of inadequacy for feeling that way (the second arrow).
This cycle traps and entangles our identity below the line of our conscious awareness. From there, it reinforces the false belief that something is amiss with us. A prevalent feeling of worthlessness distorts our self-image in harmful ways. Moreover, we can experience its consequences for most of our lives in complete ignorance of what is happening. At times it becomes apparent. But we tend to avoid dealing with it, as with bad news or an obnoxious neighbor; we want to ignore it.
The two wings of awareness.
However, we must do the opposite: concentrate on what is occurring and cultivate “the two wings of awareness:” mindfulness and compassion. According to Tara Brach, the acronym R.A.I.N. (recognize, allow, investigate, and nurture) is one method. R.A.I.N. is simply a way to attend and befriend events without getting entangled. Like the Buddha in the story of the ever-present MARA, the god of greed, hatred, and delusion, who lurked at every opportunity to make an appearance, it is an invitation to sit with difficult emotions, not avoid them, and work out of being stuck on them.
We must first RECOGNIZE what is going on and ALLOW it to just “be” for a long enough amount of time to INVESTIGATE what is happening, feel it in our bodies, and inquire what it needs from us. Finally, we may look through it in a fresh light and begin a NURTURING process that leads us to realize that there is nothing wrong with us, that we are fine, and that life is simply playing itself.
“Between the stimulus and the response,” says Victor Frankl, “there is a space. And in that space is our power and freedom”. RAIN practice allows us to realize this power and freedom. Here is where the alchemy of compassion resides. It starts with each of us and leads to our relationships with others. Next, I will explore the RAIN process and how to practice it.
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